Chapter One

PRESENT DAY

My mother always taught me that it was what was on the inside that counted, that physical beauty would fade, and when you went to heaven, all that mattered was that you had been a good person with a clean soul.

I was never that girl who worried about how I looked, what I was wearing, or the latest trends in fashion. I was confident in my own skin—most of the time.

But while leaning against the bar at Viper Nightclub, watching Jimmy’s hungry eyes devour the blonde in front of him, my insides heated up with uncontrolled pure jealousy. For once, I wished I had a rack that bounced with every step.

Many times before, on many stars in the sky, I had wished.

I had wished he would once, just once, look at me that way.

“O-M to the G, is that Jim Brason?” Kelly sprang on her toes and reached for my arm.

She yanked me toward her so fast that I almost lost my footing.

Jimmy, I almost corrected her because that was what I always called him.

To me, he was not the star quarterback god, not the most eligible bachelor, not the finest man alive—as his fans and the media knew him. He was just plain old Jimmy.

Kelly tugged on my arm and pulled me toward the VIP area where the hot people had congregated. My eyes zoned in on the group of beefy guys sitting on the plush couches behind the red-roped area. Women who looked like they modeled for Sports Illustrated surrounded them.

Shoot, they probably do.
I dug my heels against the tiled floors, not wanting to move any farther. “I don’t know. Let’s go, Kelly.”

I pivoted in the opposite direction. I didn’t even know that Kelly watched football.

In a plain black T-shirt and faded jeans, she wasn’t the typical made-up, high-heeled twenty-three-year-old girl. That was probably why we had hit it off a couple of weeks ago. We both came from the group of awkward plain Janes.

“Seriously, Bliss, I just need a closer peek.” She repositioned her hand to get a better grip on my wrist, and she pulled me forward. “He’s so hot! He’s just…so hot!”

She stopped a foot from the red rope, and my blood ran cold as I saw the busty blonde sitting on Jimmy’s lap, whispering something into his ear.

Her thigh-high black tube dress clung to her body like Saran Wrap. When she wrapped her hands around his neck and licked from the side of his chin to the corner of his mouth, I turned away as if I’d been slapped. My cheeks were probably red, and my eyes stung from seeing them together. My chest tightened as I wondered how he knew her and if she was important to him.

A bright light flashed, catching my attention. My head whipped back, and I saw Kelly holding her camera phone out toward the roped area. I wanted to scream at her to put that thing away, but it was too late.

When I turned back around to look at him and his eyes caught mine, he squinted and sat up, causing the blonde to tumble from his lap.

Ripping my gaze away, I pleaded with Kelly, “Come on.” I grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the only light illuminating the dark club—the red exit sign.

I heard him call my name, but I just scurried faster, maneuvering through the crowd of people on the dance floor. When Kelly didn’t move fast enough, I released her.

“Bliss, where are you going?”

I ignored her question as my pulse quickened and hurried toward the door. My palms began to sweat as I eyed my destination.

When the stickiness of the Chicago summer night hit my skin, I released a silent sigh of relief. I was glad I was finally out of that stuffy club and away from Jimmy. I would just pretend I was never here. The club was dark, so I doubted he had recognized me anyway.

I thought I was in the clear until I heard the door bang open behind us, and he called my name.

“Bliss, wait up!”

I closed my eyes to compose myself, but I didn’t have time to muster up a hello before he pulled me into a bear hug from behind. Then, he flipped me around to face him.

“Hey,” he said, out of breath. “Didn’t you hear me calling you?” His eyes softened as he took in my face, his rough hands lightly rubbing my arms.

My skin prickled with goose bumps at his touch.

Having him right in front of me did things to me. I had no control, no self-preservation. My arms automatically wrapped around his waist, and I nestled against his chest, fitting into that perfect space between his shoulders. It was as if that particular spot was meant for me.

I inhaled the mix of scents—beer and his masculine Calvin Klein, the cologne he’d been wearing since high school—and released a silent sigh.

He squeezed me tighter, acting as though he hadn’t seen me in years when it had only been a few weeks. I reveled in his hold, breathing him in and allowing his scent to wash over me.

Releasing me, he held me at arm’s length, a dimple emerging on his boyish face. “What are you doing at a club?”

I stalled for time, stepping away and twisting my hands together, as I tried to think of a response. He knew I hated clubs. I always thought they were too loud, so you couldn’t hold a conversation. They were too dark, so you couldn’t see the person you came with. Mostly, I hated how men would ogle girls like they were pieces of juicy meat.

That was exactly why I’d shown up in jeans and a T-shirt. I didn’t want men eyeing me.

“My friend dragged me,” I finally said, dropping my hands to fiddle with the edge of my shirt. “She wanted a break from studying.” I turned to said friend whose mouth had slipped ajar. “Jimmy, this is Kelly. She goes to Doyle Law with me.”

I stifled a laugh at her starstruck look.

Kelly straightened her shirt and pushed her black-rimmed glasses up her nose. “Hi!” She didn’t even try to hide her cheeky grin as she held out her hand, her fingers twitching as though she were itching to have him touch it.

“Hey. Nice to meet you,” he replied politely. He shook her hand and gave her his boyish smile that made every woman on earth swoon. The dimples set deep in his cheeks accentuated his panty-dropping smile.

“I’m glad Bliss is making friends.” He turned toward me, lifting an eyebrow. “What about you? You leaving already?”

For a brief moment, I saw disappointment in his eyes. It was the kind of disappointment that made me hope…hope for something more.

“Yeah, you know, not my scene.”

He nodded, silent for a second, before throwing his arm around my shoulder, blocking Kelly’s view. “Hey, I’ve been calling you. I wanted to let you know I’d be in Chicago,” he said, lowering his voice, as he studied my face.

He dropped his arm and turned me to face him. Warmth spread throughout my body at his touch, making an already humid summer night even hotter.

“I know. Life has been crazy—you know, with school and studying and stuff.” I averted my eyes, not wanting him to see the longing on my face that was clearly there.

A few catcalls sounded behind him, and I noticed a huge line of people forming against the wall, all waiting to get inside the club. Kelly pretended to play with her phone, but I knew she was totally checking him out as her eyes flickered discreetly in his direction.

His attention was solely focused on me. “Did I do something? I called you today to tell you that I was in town.”

He leaned in, forcing me to meet his stare. His nearness was unnerving, causing havoc on my pulse rate. All my senses were filled with his whole presence.

“Are you mad at me or something?”

No, quite the opposite.
We were so close that I could close the gap between us and kiss him, finally ending my torture.

But I didn’t.

I should have done it.

Should have. Would have. Could have.

I took a step back instead. I needed space because I couldn’t breathe with his proximity.

I couldn’t exactly tell him why I’d been avoiding his calls for over a week, why I’d only texted to tell him that I was busy, or why I’d left him messages when I knew he was out. This had been our longest stint of no communication in forever.

“No,” I told him. “Seriously, law school is just kicking my butt.” I forced an awkward smile, hoping he couldn’t detect the lie that I was spewing out.

He rubbed at his eyebrow before letting out a heavy sigh. From the look on his face, I knew that he didn’t believe me.

“Jimmy, it’s school—really.” I reached for his hand and squeezed it, trying to reassure him.

He continued to stare at me, his eyebrows pulling in. An awkward silence filled the air that made my stomach churn. I bit my lip as my free hand fidgeted with the edge of my shirt again.

“Jim Brason?” Two guys strolled toward us, breaking our connection. “Can we get an autograph?”

A frown formed on Jimmy’s face as he held my eyes before turning toward the boys. “Sure, bud.”

Reaching into my purse, I handed Jimmy a pen and backed up, giving him room to be with his fans. I was used to him getting this type of attention wherever we went. Ever since he’d turned all famous on me, I was always in his shadow.

“Hey, lady,” one of the guys called, “can you take our picture?”

Sure, just call me Pen Lady, Picture Lady, or Miss Invisible.
I was always invisible.

I sighed inwardly as one of them handed me his phone, and I snapped a picture of all three of them. In my peripheral vision, I noticed Kelly still had a starstruck dazed look. The cheesiest smile spread across her face, and I shook my head, again amused.

When they were just about done, I said, “Hey. We’re gonna go.” I pointed my thumb toward the car, ready to get out of there.

He waved at the two men. Then, he met my eyes and scratched the top of his sandy-brown head. “Uh…okay. You’re going to make time for me this weekend, right? I leave to go back to New York on Sunday.”

He tried to read my face, but my eyes flickered to the group of people walking past us.

“I have to go to my mom’s tonight, to check up on her.” He shifted from one foot to the other and ducked his head to get into my line of sight. “But I can sleep over tomorrow, right?”

He reached for my hand, and my eyes dropped to our connection. I had a strong awareness of my heartbeat drumming too loudly against my chest. I wondered if he could hear it.

I shied away and peered up at Kelly. Her eyes widened, her eyebrows shooting to the stars. I knew what she was thinking—Bliss Carrington and Jim Brason and a sleepover?

“Boo?” he prompted when I hadn’t answered right away.

Kelly cast me a funny look, stifling a laugh, most likely at his nickname for me. She wouldn’t get it. He’d been calling me Boo since we were seven. During sleepovers, I used to be his security blanket, the one he’d slept next to at night. I was the one that kept the monsters away by scaring them, hence my nickname.

He squeezed my hand, waiting for a reply. His eyebrows pulled together, and a tiny prickle of disappointment filtered through his eyes. I wondered if he thought that I’d say no.

“Yeah, Jimmy.” I nodded, reveling in the comfort of his touch. “Sure. Just call me.”

The smile I loved so much surfaced on his face, and he pulled me in for a hug, caging me within his arms. I breathed him in, squeezing him tighter and not wanting to let go.

“Don’t drive home drunk, okay?” I whispered against his neck. I was so close that I could taste him. And I wanted to.

“I won’t. I promise,” he said softly. His chest expanded as he inhaled deeply, taking in my scent.

He released me and extended his pinky. I wrapped my pinky around his, exhaling a sigh of relief, knowing he meant it. Once we made a promise sealed with a pinky swear, it would mean the promise could never be broken.

***

“Holy crap! You know Jim Brason? Like, as in, know, know him? You know NFL’s quarterback of the New York Cougars, Jim Brason?” Kelly bounced beside me, trying to keep my pace. Her eyes flickered back to the club door, watching as the famous quarterback signed a few more autographs.

I opened the door to my red Mini Cooper and climbed in as she jumped into the passenger seat beside me.

“So…you have to tell me how you know him.”

I peered up at her expectant green eyes and shrugged. “We grew up together. He’s been my best friend since I was six.” I put the key in the ignition, shifted the gear to drive, pressed on the gas, and got us the heck out of there.

No matter how hard I focused on the road, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that so much had changed since I was a lonely six-year-old girl waiting for the school bus on her first day of school.

***

PAST—SIX YEARS OLD

I stood at the bus stop, tapping my foot against the ground and playing with the front ruffles of my pink princess dress. My heart was beating so hard that I worried it would break like Grandpa’s had. Staring down at my silver shoes, I concentrated on the glitter sparkling against the sunlight as I squeezed Mommy’s hand, wishing she’d never let go.

“Can you talk?” someone said.

I glanced up, noticing the brown-eyed boy standing next to me. He had the same sandy-brown hair as one of my Barbie dolls.

“You haven’t moved your mouth the whole time we’ve been waiting for the bus.”

I squinted at him as the autumn sun flashed in my eyes.

He leaned in close. “So? Do you?” His breath smelled like mint toothpaste.

“I talk.” I peered up at Mommy, who was talking to the boy’s mommy.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Bliss,” I answered, staring at his teeth.

He was missing one of his middle teeth. I wondered how much the tooth fairy had given him for his missing tooth.

He made a face. “What kind of name is that? That’s not a name.”

Is, too, I wanted to say.

It was a pretty name. Daddy had said so, and my Daddy was always right.

Instead, I stared back down at my glittery shoes. The boy didn’t ask me another question, and I was glad.

When the yellow school bus started coming down the street, I squeezed Mommy’s hand harder. Mommy had taught me at home, so going to a big-girl school with a bunch of kids was scary.

She bent down, meeting me at eye-level. “Baby, you’re going to have so much fun there. You’re going to love first grade. You’ll see.”

She brushed her hand against my cheek. I leaned into her hand and tried not to pout, but I failed.

I didn’t think I was going to love it. If so, then why did I feel like crying?

She stood up and rustled the little boy’s hair. “This is Jimmy. His mommy and I grew up together. So, see? Now, you know someone, Bliss.”

I glanced at the tall blonde lady standing next to the little boy called Jimmy. Her hair was bright yellow, and she looked like a princess.

“Yes, you guys will be best friends, too,” his mommy said, grinning like she just knew her words were true.

The little boy made what Daddy called a stink face.

“No, we’re not,” Jimmy said. “She doesn’t even talk.” He stomped his feet and crossed his arms over his chest.

The Cinderella-like mommy gave me a small smile before turning back to the boy. “James Charles Brason, you are going to be nice to Bliss and sit by her on the bus. Do you understand? She doesn’t know anyone here.” She gave Jimmy the look.

I knew that look. Mommy would give me the same look. You’d better listen to me—that was what that look said.

The little boy kept his arms crossed as he pouted while digging his shoe in the dirt.

When the yellow school bus finally pulled up to us, I squeezed Mommy’s waist and closed my eyes. I didn’t want to cry, not in front of him.

Mommy kissed the top of my hair. “You’ll be fine. I promise.” When she let me go, she put a hand on the little boy’s shoulder. “Jimmy here will take care of you.”

She gave the boy a little wink, but he still had his stink face on.

I stepped onto the bus and held the straps of my princess backpack. Maybe no one would see me if I sat all the way in the back. I was surprised when the little boy sat next to me.

“My mom said I have to sit next to you. That’s the only reason I’m here.” He threw his backpack on the floor and crossed his arms against his chest again. “I don’t want to get in trouble. They already grounded me from my video games.”

I didn’t want to look at him because I was still mad at him for making fun of my name, but I was curious.

He wore cool Converse shoes and a Spider-Man T-shirt, but what was really amazing were his eyes. I’d never seen any that looked so brown. They reminded me of chocolate kisses.

I offered him a small smile, but he continued to give me the stink face. He wrinkled his nose, and I turned my head to look out the window.

“Why do you stay at Mr. Carrington’s house? I saw you walk from his house,” he said, forcing me to look back at him.

“He’s my grandpa. We live there now. We just moved in.” Glancing at the floor, I wondered if his Batman backpack glowed in the dark. I’d seen the same one on a TV commercial.

“Where did Mr. Carrington move to?” His dark eyelashes curled up over his chocolate-brown eyes.

“Heaven…to be with my grandma.”

I never knew my grandpa. The first time I’d ever seen him was when he was in that scary big box. It was also the first time I’d ever seen Mommy cry.

“Why?” Jimmy asked, a frown formed on his face.

“Because he died.”

His eyebrows crept together as if he were thinking hard. “Well, that’s weird because when my grandpa died, we put him in the ground.”

“The ground?” I whispered.

I wondered if Jimmy’s grandpa had done something bad, something really bad, so they’d put him under dirt to punish him.

“That’s not nice.” I made a face. “Why would you put someone in the ground? We never put Grandpa under dirt. When I die, I hope I go to heaven.”

“What’s heaven?” His forehead got all wrinkly as he scratched the top of his head.

“Well, my mommy says that it’s the greatest place ever, and if I’m good, I get to go there. She told me not to be sad that Grandpa’s dead because he’s happier there, and now, he can be with Grandma.”

“Is it like Disney World or something like that?”

“I think so.”

Mommy had made heaven seem like a magical place.

“You’re really smart, Bliss,” he said, finally giving me a small smile.

I wanted to push my fingers into the dips in his cheeks.

I shrugged. “Mommy says that all the time.” I didn’t mention that Daddy always called me his smart little princess.

I felt something hit the top of my forehead before falling into my lap. It was a Goldfish cracker.

I looked up and saw one boy leaning over his seat, pointing at me and laughing. “Nice pigtails, new girl. Are you two years old or something? You look like a baby.”

His friends laughed with him, and my cheeks reddened in response.

I felt heat prickle behind my eyes, the kind that always meant I was going to cry. Staring at my hands in my lap, I focused on my pretty pink nail polish.

I told myself, No, I won’t cry.

Jimmy reached into his Batman backpack, grabbed a blue ball from his bag and stood. Before I knew what was happening, he flung the ball at the boy who’d thrown the cracker at my head.

“Ow.” The boy held his cheek. “That hurt, Jim!”

“Good.” Jimmy had a mean face on, and it was worse than the stink face. It was a scary mean face. “Not so funny anymore, is it, Evan?” He laughed. “You bring a change of clothes? You don’t wanna pee in class like you did last year.”

The bus erupted into laughter, and that was when the other boy slumped down.

“I hate Evan,” Jimmy said, plopping back down next to me. “He’s just mean. He likes to make fun of people. Kinda reminds me of The Joker from Batman.”

I nodded once. “Thank you,” I said quietly, thinking I’d been wrong about Jimmy when I thought he was just a mean boy.

He shrugged. “If he is The Joker, I wanna be Batman, and I’m gonna save the world.” He studied me. “Wanna be my sidekick, like Robin or Batgirl or something?” His brown eyes sparkled. He looked like he thought this was the greatest plan on earth.

I smiled at him. “Sure.”

“Cool.” He grinned, signifying that it was settled. “Then, I guess we can be best friends.” He extended his pinky finger.

When I didn’t move, he grabbed my hand and pulled on my pinky before wrapping it around his. “I promise, I’ll be your best friend for infinity.”

I stared right at the gap in his smile, caused by his missing tooth. “I promise.” Then, I squeezed his pinky back as I smiled up at my very first friend.

 

CHAPTER TWO

PRESENT DAY

Kelly observed me as I used my chopsticks to assist the noodles that fell from my mouth. Few places were still open at midnight, and Chinatown was one of them.

When I went for another bite, she leaned in. “Well…” she prompted, drumming her chopsticks against the table.

I still hadn’t given her much info about Jimmy and me.

“We grew up together,” I told her again, trying to scoop more noodles into my mouth.

Maybe if I kept eating, she’d stop pushing me for details. Jimmy and I had a long-drawn-out history that I didn’t want to delve into. From family drama to teenage drama, our lives were linked together like a spider web. I’d be stuck, sitting at the restaurant until lunch tomorrow, if I started at the beginning.

“You said that already,” she whined.

She still hadn’t touched the food on her plate while I rudely scarfed down mine.

I knew she didn’t want to be my friend just because I was friends with Jimmy. Hell, Kelly hadn’t known that I knew Jimmy when she and I met two weeks ago in the library.

I had been studying for my civil procedures exam when she stood in front of me. Her curly black hair had been in disarray as her stack of books had rested on her hip.

She’d said, “I really want to finish law school, but I have no idea what I’m doing. You’re in my civil procedures class. I’ve seen you, and I think we should be friends.”

I always wished I could strike up a conversation with a stranger like she had, but that was one quality God had never bestowed on me.

Kelly had a natural ease around strangers. In that respect, she reminded me of Jimmy.

That day, I’d felt a little blue because I stopped talking to the only friend I ever really knew—Jimmy. That was when I’d let Kelly into my life, and we were now attached at the hip, doing friend stuff and studying—or more, I would tutor her.

“Details?” she asked, tapping her chopsticks on the wooden table.

I wanted to give her details, but I didn’t know how to explain that Jim Brason, the star quarterback of the New York Cougars and the first pick of the NFL draft, was just plain Jimmy to me. I didn’t have a single childhood memory that he wasn’t in or a part of.

I gave her the short version. “Our moms grew up together. They were neighbors but lost touch when my mom moved away to marry my dad. When my grandfather passed away, we moved back into the house she had grown up in, and that was when Jimmy and I became friends.”

I didn’t remember my grandfather at all. Only that when I was five, my mother, being the only child, had inherited his house, the lot, and all of Grandfather’s money with it.

Claire Brason, Jimmy’s mom, had grown up the same way in the affluent area of the North Shore. But after she’d gotten married, she’d chosen to live in the house she grew up in even though she had all the money in the world to settle down wherever she wanted to. She’d wanted to raise Jimmy close to her elite social circle, opposite of my mother who had wanted nothing to do with her parents’ old money.

In the end, coming back home had been a result of my mother’s guilt. She’d felt guilty for leaving her dad behind to marry the pastor’s son and for not becoming a lawyer so that she could take over the family practice.

Jimmy and I had come from old money, but that was where the similarities ended. Although we had been best buddies since we were six, we couldn’t be more opposite.

“And then?” she prompted, still not eating her food. “He said he’s sleeping over tomorrow night. Are you guys together or something?” Her eyebrows lifted to the ceiling as she leaned on the table as if I had some big secret to share. A glint was in her eye as she waited for something juicy.

I wanted to give her more, but there really was nothing to tell. Growing up, Jimmy’s parents had never been home, and he’d chosen to sleep over at my house rather than stay at home with his nanny, Hilda. Jimmy’s father, James Brason — the quarterback of the NFL’s Chicago Lions, had always been busy, and Jimmy’s mother had partied at her social functions.

I shrugged to make a point of how much it was not a big deal. “We’ve been having sleepovers since before I can even remember. He’s sleeping over, not sleeping over.”

I dived back into my food again. The chicken lo mein mixed with vegetables satisfied the hunger pang in my belly, hitting the spot.

“You’re, like, the luckiest girl ever,” Kelly noted as she continued watching me with a look of awe in her eyes.

“It’s nothing. It’s always been like that between us.”

But it was something more now, especially from my side. I stuffed more noodles into my mouth, feeling a small smile creep up onto my face as I thought of our many sleepovers. On my twin-sized bed, I had usually woken up to Jimmy hugging me like his body pillow until I’d shrugged him off of me.

Kelly cast me a glance, ducking her head and shrewdly narrowing her eyes. “Oh no.” The chopstick holding her lo mein stopped midair. “No, no, no.”

“What?” I wiped the corner of my mouth with my fingertips. “Is something on my face?” I swiped at it with a napkin this time.

She shook her head. “I’ve seen that look before.”

“What?”

“The love look.” Her eyes widened in excitement as if she’d discovered some hidden secret.

I waved one hand in the air, disregarding her comment. “Please.” My eyes focused on the couple at the table next to us. “I’m totally not. Don’t be ridiculous.” A blush spread to the apples of my cheeks. I tried to play it off, but my bright face probably gave me away.

Her eyes were still narrowed as her forefinger tapped her lips. She didn’t believe me. “Don’t try to deny it, girlfriend. I’ve mastered that face. I’ve been there. I’ve been in love.”

“Whatever,” I muttered.

“Oh my.” She clicked her tongue like I was in trouble. “Bliss Carrington, you’re in love with your best friend. He doesn’t know, does he? Go ahead. Look me in the eye, and try to deny it.”

A look of pity crossed her face now, and while I hated it, I doubted my ability to deny it while keeping a straight face.

I peered into her ever-knowing eyes and opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. Instead, I dropped my head in my hands. “Okay,” I groaned. “I’m screwed.”

Because I was in love with my best friend.

***

I jumped onto my queen-sized bed, pulling the gray duvet over my knees.

“Scoot over, will you?” Jimmy nudged my shoulder to make room for himself.

I shifted to the edge of the bed while his massive six-foot frame squished in beside me under the duvet. We barely fit when it seemed like just yesterday we’d both been able to squeeze onto my twin.

“What are we watching?” He dipped his hand into my popcorn bowl.

A tingly feeling climbed up my arm when his fingers brushed against mine.

“I heard that movie with Channing Tatum is out,” he said.

I threw a couple of pieces of popcorn into my mouth, trying to ignore the jolt of tingles from our connection. “A chick flick?” I scrunched my nose at him.

When we were younger, we used to flip a coin to decide what movie we were going to watch. Whenever I picked a chick flick, he would complain and huff for hours.

“You’re going to watch Channing Tatum with me?” I asked incredulously.

My mouth went dry as my eyes traveled to his gray fitted T-shirt that clung to his chest, clearly outlining his defined abs. He smelled of fresh dryer sheets as if his shirt had come straight from the dryer, and I wanted to bury my face in his chest and take a whiff to breathe him in.

He chuckled. “Not the chick flick. The one where he’s a Marine.”

He shifted, and his thigh touched my hip. His proximity was unnerving. Just being in his vicinity and on the same bed, my fingers itched to touch him. I inched closer because I could, but I had to use all my self-control not to give away too much or cross some invisible friendship line.

I nodded and flipped through the movies we could rent on cable. “Oh, okay.” I pressed play when I landed on the Marine movie, and I tucked an escaping strand of hair behind my ear as I watched him eat popcorn. Even the way he chewed was adorable.

“It’s bad enough that I have to watch you go crazy fangirl every time you see him in those trailers on TV. I’m not about to sit here for two hours and watch you drool.”

I let out a low laugh. Little did he know that he was the only person who had my attention tonight. It seemed as if every time we were in the same proximity, my pulse would race, beating wildly against my wrist.

He reached into my bowl, grabbing a fistful of popcorn and jamming it into his mouth. “I miss this,” he said between chews. “Remember when it was easier to hang out? Now, life is just crazy.” He shook his head.

I took in his boyishly handsome face, forcing my hands to stay at my sides. I missed it, too—when life had been easier, when we were younger, and when I’d had him all to myself without having to share him with the world.

“Yeah. Well, with your football, your press, your charity functions, you’re a very busy man, Mr. Brason,” I said casually even though I felt the reality of it momentarily choking me.

“At least I make time for you.” He gave me a small smile as his warm brown eyes brightened. “You’re my daily morning call at eight when I’m on the can.” He winked.

How romantic.

I rolled my eyes and chucked a piece of popcorn at his head. He chuckled as it dropped into his lap, but he picked it up and popped it into his mouth.

“Thanks. Much appreciated.” I smirked, slapping his shoulder just so that I could touch him.

A laugh escaped his lips as his eyes met mine, a strong emotion passing through them. For a brief moment, it gave me a tinge of hope. When his stare didn’t waver, I wondered what he was thinking and who he saw when he looked at me that way.

Was I the girl he’d grown up with? Or did he see the woman I had grown to be?
He cleared his throat, noticeably tucking away the emotion that had been there seconds ago. “You’re the one not picking up my calls.” He tried to keep his voice light, but I heard the heavy disappointment in his tone. “I haven’t gotten a hold of you in over a week. We’ve never gone that long.” His forehead creased as he leaned in closer. “Is something wrong? Did I do anything to upset you?” he asked, his eyebrows pulling together.

I stared into his chocolate-brown eyes, trying not to get completely sucked in. Jimmy had mastered the puppy dog face long ago, and he used it whenever he thought I was mad at him. It’d annoyed me when I was younger, but the more I’d seemed to fall for him, the more I’d thought it was the cutest thing.

I itched to touch his brow and smooth out those lines in his forehead, but instead I stuck my hand in the popcorn bowl for safe measure. “Jimmy, it’s school.” I shrugged, trying for nonchalance. “It’s keeping me busy. You and I are fine.” I bit my lip after the word fine had left my mouth because I knew he hated when I used that word.

“Fine?” He grabbed the popcorn bowl from my hands and dropped it on the table next to the bed. The bowl teetered, almost tipping over. “I saw my mom yesterday,” he said, shifting topics so fast that I almost got whiplash.

I felt him burning a hole into the side of my face. “Oh? How is she?” I tried to steady my high-pitched voice, but I knew I was totally busted.

“Still a drunk and popping pills. I had to hire extra help for Hilda to babysit her.”

At the bitterness in his tone, I shifted to face him. “Sorry.” I reached out and squeezed his hand, feeling warmth spread from our connection. As I had many times before, I felt an automatic need to alleviate his stress about his mother, a woman who’d always been too involved in her social circle to take care of him.

“That’s beside the point.” His tone dropped, and I knew it was coming. “She told me you were in New York a couple of weeks ago.”

I released his hand, and my mouth slipped slightly ajar as I tried to figure out how to respond, but I had nothing. I fidgeted with the blanket, heat rising to the tips of my ears. Finally, I tore my gaze from him and focused on the movie that neither of us had been paying attention to.

“Why the hell did you go all the way to New York and not call me?” Anger leaked through in his tone, and heavy hurt showed in his eyes when I glanced back at him. “You were on the East Coast, in the same city, and you didn’t come see me. Why?” His voice broke on the last word.

My face burned up, the tips of my ears probably as red as the devil’s.

How did I get out of this one now?

I couldn’t exactly tell him that I had come to see him. I had wanted to surprise him. But when the cab had dropped me in front of his Manhattan apartment, I’d become frozen at the sight of Jimmy entangled in some woman’s arms.

Her arms had wrapped around him as they stood in front of his apartment, and the intimacy of their hold had made me sick to my stomach. I couldn’t rush out of there fast enough as I’d tried to erase the image of the redhead and him together.

For these past few weeks, I had relentlessly been Internet-stalking that girl. She and Jimmy had been paired together in several magazines and even more paparazzi shots. Her name was Clarisse Calari, and she was a semi-famous swimsuit supermodel.

When I’d confronted Jimmy about her during one of our morning chats, he’d told me nothing other than repeating his mantra about how he didn’t get serious with anyone. And if perchance, hell did happen to freeze over and he found himself getting serious with Little Miss Swimsuit, then he’d let me know.

He never pictured a relationship in his future. His tainted childhood had screwed his views on that aspect of his life, but I couldn’t help but wonder if he was finally with someone.

That night, I’d decided I couldn’t depend on him as much as I did even though I didn’t know any other way to live. Still, I knew I had to try to distance myself and think things through. I needed space to evaluate things between us. So far, my plan was not working too well.

“Boo?” His voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

I let it all out in one breath. “I’m looking into an internship at a law firm there. It was only a day trip. I didn’t want to bother you.” I blankly stared at the TV, not wanting to make eye contact because he’d know I was lying. But it was the most believable fib because I had been immersing myself in my studies.

“What the hell would be more important than seeing you?” he insisted, his tone turning harsh. “I’d drop whatever I was doing. You know that.”

“I don’t know, Jimmy,” I said, throwing up my hands.

I didn’t want to talk about this anymore. I hated lying to him, but it was easier than telling him the truth.

I swung my knees over the side of the bed and stood. “You have a life. I have a life. Geez, I didn’t call you. Get over it.”

Maybe if I sounded annoyed, he’d stop even though I knew no excuse was good enough. If he had come to Chicago and hadn’t seen me, I’d be equally pissed.

Avoiding this conversation like the plague, I walked to the bathroom to pee.

In the bathroom, I could sense him standing by the door, but he didn’t peer in.

“I’m sorry, okay?”

He sounded meek even though I still sensed the hurt in his voice.

“I’ve been wracking my brain, replaying our last conversation in my head, thinking I said something the last time we talked.”

The sadness in his voice zinged me in the heart, initiating a tightness in my chest that spread to my limbs.

“Whatever I did, I wish you’d just let me know,” he said softly.

After I flushed the toilet, he stepped into the bathroom.

His light scent flooded my senses, and it took all my energy and my self-control not to turn around, wrap my hands around him, and press my lips against his as I’d pictured in my head many times before.

He stood a whole head taller than me, and I felt a fluttering in my chest as we just stared at each other. The same familiar mild pain appeared every time he’d lock eyes with mine.

The stark differences between us were noticeably illuminated by the florescent bathroom light—his brown eyes to my blue, his sandy-brown hair to my light blonde, his unbelievable hotness to my plain self. I sighed inwardly and averted my eyes, the pitter patter in my chest increasing. I didn’t want him to see the yearning in my eyes, which was present every time he was in the vicinity.

I had never wanted anything so badly as I wanted him, and it made my insides hurt to the point where I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t help feeling the way I did. I had tried to stop it, but somewhere along the way, I had fallen for my best friend. There was nothing I could do about it now but keep these feelings inside. I didn’t want to ruin what we had, the friendship that we had built over the years. I knew one small touch or one excess word would ruin everything because he’d never feel the same way I felt for him.

“You didn’t do anything, Jimmy,” I assured him, looking down at my hands clenched around the edge of the sink. “I didn’t want to tell you because I wanted to surprise you. I was thinking maybe I could be your roommate next summer if I got the internship at Bates and McKenry.”

I turned the water on and started washing my hands, focusing on the white suds forming as I rubbed my hands together. I averted my eyes. He knew me so well that he’d be able to read the lie on my face.

But when I glanced up, a dimple was set deep in his cheek. “That would be a nice surprise,” he said, resting against the frame of the bathroom door.

I flicked the water dripping from my hands in his direction. “So calm down, all right?” I dried my hands, walked back toward my bed, and pulled the covers over my bare knees and my shorts.

“I just miss you, Boo,” he said matter-of-factly.

He turned around and gripped the back of his shirt. I watched him lift it above his head as he’d done a hundred times before, only I had started drooling around the thirtieth time.

I sighed at his fine self that would soon be sleeping next to me. I wanted to throw back the covers, pat the open spot right next to me, and give him a wink, but I knew full well that would not happen.

The defined muscles of his back moved as he folded his shirt and placed it next to my laptop on the side table. When he turned around to join me in bed, I closed my eyes and faked a yawn.

Inside, my heart raced so fast that I thought it might burst out of my chest. It was torture being this close to him, still I wanted to be closer. I wanted to preserve my sanity, yet I yearned for him to press his skin against mine and wrap his arms around me.

Only in my dreams.

He hadn’t always been this big and buff. I remembered when he was the scrawniest teenager. Then, one day, he had sprouted and grown some muscles. His boyish face had changed into a man, and before I’d known it, I was in love.

“So, I’ve got a roommate next summer,” he said with excitement as the bed dipped under his weight. “Sweet.”

My eyes popped open, and I steadied my breathing, concentrating only on his face. “That’s not for sure. It’s a long shot.” It was a real long shot since I hadn’t applied. “Plus, what if you have a roommate by then?”

He shoved his legs under the covers. “I’m not getting a roommate.”

“Well, what if you have a girlfriend?” I couldn’t help but feel an ache in my chest at the thought of him getting serious with someone even though he didn’t have any plans for it in his future.

But then, hadn’t he promised me he’d tell me?

“Pfft. Girlfriend? Please. No one can tame this beast,” he joked, pounding his chest with his fist.

My eyes briefly locked on his pecs before returning to his face. “There’s no one serious?” My voice fluttered as fast as my heartbeat that was beating like a drum against the cages of my chest.

A disheartened look passed across his face, his joking side no longer present. Suddenly, his lips turned down, his carefree self gone. He rested his head against the pillow, placing one hand behind his head. “Nope. Relationships are just not in the cards for me.”

My eyes automatically moved to his bicep, and all I wanted to do was tighten my hand around it and squeeze to see if it was as firm as I knew it would be. Or maybe I could throw a rock at it to see if it bounced back. Better yet, I could just lick it because that would be sexier. But best friends didn’t go around licking each other’s biceps.

I cleared my throat, hoping it would do something for my head. I had to stop ogling him. “I saw you with that girl sitting on your lap at the club last night.” I couldn’t hide the jealous witch emerging to the surface.

He shifted uncomfortably in his spot, rubbing the top of his head with his palm and facing the Marine movie we clearly weren’t watching. “I just met her.”

“I saw her tongue down your throat. You were pretty comfortable around a chick you just met.” I hoped he couldn’t hear the bitterness in my tone.

He moved to a sitting position, looking edgy, as he pushed the comforter to the side and swung his legs off the bed. “I’m gonna get water. Want some?”

I let out a low breath, watching his muscles moving on his perfectly sculpted back as he left the room.

But I wouldn’t let him get away that easily. “You didn’t answer my question,” I called after him, staring at my bedroom door.

“Yeah, that was on purpose,” he called back.

I heard cabinets in my kitchen banging closed, and then the sink faucet was running.

“I had a little too much to drink. So, yeah, liquor tends to loosen me up.” He paused and then added, “You know, I don’t like talking about this stuff with you. Drop it, okay?”

I frowned at my wall and crossed my arms over my chest, pouting like a little baby.

What the hell?

Jimmy and I had always talked about everything under the sun—everything but his dating life. He never shared it with me, and it wasn’t like I could share. My love life consisted of books and mapping the stars. The amount of dates I’d gone on in my whole twenty-two years could be counted on my fingers—on one hand.

When he got back into bed, I propped my head up with my hand. “So, you like blondes now?” I said, attempting a playful tone. I didn’t usually pick this topic, but for once, I was enjoying making this big, beefy manly man uncomfortable.

He whacked me with his pillow, hitting me on the head, and I laughed.

“The only blonde I care about is this one.”

He tugged at the ends of my hair, and my insides warmed.

He turned to his side, his back facing me. “Go to sleep, Boo.” He grabbed the remote, switched off the TV, and turned off the bedside lamp beside him.

I doubted I would get any sleep tonight, knowing he was sleeping half-naked beside me. But I’d better. Otherwise, when he turned over in the early morning, he’d be scared out of his mind to find his best friend eyeing him like a stalker.

“Night, Jimmy,” I said softly. Every nerve in my body yearned to be closer, my hands itching to outline the defined muscles of his back.

With an inward groan, I flipped to face the ceiling until Jimmy fell asleep, and my mind flickered to the time when my feelings for him had changed.