Orchids.

Orchids didn’t give off a scent like every other flower. Too much water would drown them. Not enough sunlight would kill them. They were useless and high maintenance.

So, when the florist had asked me what kind of flowers I would like for my bouquet, I’d said, “Orchids.”

It was the flower I despised the most. It wasn’t because of its lack of beauty or its uselessness, but I didn’t want anything that I would pick for my real day.

The photographers moved to the king-sized bed, and they snapped pictures of the regal designer wedding gown. This was another thing I never would have picked for myself. I remembered my last fitting. I had barely squeezed into the strapless couture dress. I would never choose a dress that I couldn’t walk, dance, or eat in. I hated it, and that was the reason I’d picked it.

My stomach growled from starvation. I’d had no appetite the night before, and today Kendy, my maid of honor, wouldn’t allow me to eat. It was so unlike her. I guessed it was for my benefit because I could barely fit into my dress. Either way, my stomach was eating itself because it had nothing else to feed off of.

The time went by slowly as if it were dragging on purpose to punish me for living the biggest lie of my life. Everyone always said their wedding day had flown by. This day was killing me, killing me softly and slowly.

All I wanted was for it to be over, but the day had just begun.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. If I can only get through this day…this one day…

I just needed to get through today.

One Financial Bank stood in the heart of the financial district in downtown Chicago. Directly in front of my new office building, I peered up at the magnificent architectural masterpiece of glass windows encompassing all seventy-five floors and smiled the biggest smile ever. This was exactly where I wanted to be. All those late nights spent studying in the library and working random jobs to pay for school had gotten me to this point and in front of this big, bad bank.

I took the deepest breath of my life, made my way through the revolving doors, and stopped at the security desk. I took in my surroundings. Men and women, all dressed in their pressed dark suits, emerged through the revolving doors, most with a Starbucks coffee in hand. I straightened my skirt, pulled at my navy suit jacket, and exhaled a sigh of relief.

I made it. I’m meant to be here. Finally, somewhere I fit right in.

***

“You’ll have a lot of team meetings next week to discuss the pipeline and also online training. I’ll put everything in your calendar, so you’ll know.” Renee, my new manager, stepped from the elevator and I followed behind her.

Low cubicles spanned the length of the office area. It was already eight fifteen in the morning, and everyone was busy at their desks, typing away on their computers. I made a mental note to make it to work earlier. I wanted to be one of the first people in the office, not the trailing last that shouted slacker. I had never been one, and I wasn’t going to start now.

A grin was fixed on my face, and I could feel my cheeks hurting already.

“This place is intense, but you’ll like it here. We work hard, and you young people play hard,” Renee said.

My smile widened and inside I was singing at the top of my lungs.

“I’m excited,” I told her, not like she couldn’t already tell.

Everyone’s eyes followed me as I walked behind Renee. I met their stares and smiled slightly toward them, but I kept my ear-to-ear cheeky grin to myself. I didn’t want to scare people away.

Renee introduced me to the group—my team. “Everyone, this is Bethany Casse, our new underwriter. She’s a fresh graduate from Indiana State University.”

One by one, my team stood from the seats in their cubicles to introduce themselves. I shook each person’s hand firmly and learned that my division consisted of bankers on the sales team and another underwriter, like myself. Where the bankers were in the business to wine and dine and get more clients, underwriters were in the business to assess the risk of the deals the bankers made.

“Welcome, Beth.” Jim, the head banker on my team, shook my hand before immediately turning to Renee. “Renee, are you available tomorrow? Plack Industries has a request on the table.”

He’d barely taken notice of me, and my smile faltered as he moved past me into Renee’s line of sight.

Renee straightened her back to stand a little taller and her gaze flicked upward. “Thanks for letting me know in advance,” she said, sarcasm etched in her tone. “No, I’m not available. I already committed to going with another banker on a client call tomorrow.”

He scratched his head. I noticed his receding reddish-brown hair matched the light freckles on his face.

“I need an underwriter there. This deal needs to move quickly,” he prompted, placing his hand on his hip.

“Beth’s new, but she can handle it. She interned here before. She knows our systems and how to draw up a credit approval package.”

It surprised me when Renee rolled her eyes in front of him, and suddenly, I wanted to hide from the tension emanating in the room.

“Renee,” Jim pleaded.

Renee ignored his plea and pivoted to a sweet-looking brunette typing away on her computer. “Caroline, show Beth where the file room is. Beth, study Plack Industries and their latest financial statements, and come up with your questions for the company tomorrow. If you need help, ask Caroline. I’d like to see the proposal on my desk in two days.”

My face must have registered shock because a moment later, Renee placed her hand on my shoulder.

“Beth, don’t worry. You will do fine.” Her eyes softened before she marched straight past Jim.

He stomped back to his desk, muttering something under his breath.

I blinked a couple of times, looking toward Renee’s retreating back. I was surprised that I was being thrown into work after being here for less than twenty minutes. All the while, I was also making lists in my head of what I needed to do before tomorrow’s meeting.

“Hi, neighbor. I’m Caroline.”

I turned to the young woman sitting right next to my new desk.

Her smile was brief but genuine. “Jim can be a prick. He’ll always try to do the deal. Your job is to make sure that we don’t lose money while he’s doing it. I’ll brief you during lunch. So, you’re a fresh grad, huh?”

I studied her cute bob cut to her petite frame to her natural pouty lips. “Yeah, this is my first job out of college,” I said, glad that my neighbor exuded friendliness.

What nobody here knew was that although this was my first job out of college, I’d started working when I was thirteen. I’d had random jobs, like babysitting, bagging groceries, and waitressing. Working had never been an option. It had been a necessity.

And I smiled again.

***

Sitting at a table in the cafeteria during my lunch hour with Caroline, I watched the women in their hip-hugging suits and high heels, carrying their designer bags, saunter past us. Chicago was a fast-paced city—well, fast-paced compared to where I’d come from.

Caroline continued to talk about her family and her college boyfriend, whom she had been dating for years. I kept silent, listening and smiling, as she continued. Midway through my turkey sandwich, I was chewing a mouthful of food when a tall male knocked on our table, breaking our conversation and causing me to look up.

“Hey, Caroline. I’m glad you’re showing Miss New Girl around.” He turned to me and waved.

When our eyes caught, I noticed that his eyes were the lightest shade of blue.

“Hi, I’m Brian,” he said, sporting a boyish grin. “I hope Caroline is being nice to you.”

The specimen in front of me was all-American. He looked like a spokesmodel for the bank with his broad shoulders filling out his gray pinstriped professional suit.

“Hi,” I said, cheeks full of food. I put down my sandwich and wiped the crumbs from my fingers. “I’m Beth.”

I swallowed the remnants of my lunch before taking his hand. His hand lingered on mine a second longer than comfortable, and when he released me, I picked up my drink and took a sip, giving my hands something else to do.

“I hope you’ll like it here, Beth,” he said. “And you tell me if Caroline is being mean to you. I know her boss.” He winked.

The color of his eyes reminded me of a clear summer sky, light with flecks of different shades of blue reflected in his irises.

“You should join us, Brian,” Caroline said, bringing me back to reality. She kicked out the chair next to her, offering the empty seat between us. He looked behind him toward a group of guys congregated at another table.

“Ladies, I totally would, but I’ve made plans already,” he said as our eyes caught. “I’ll definitely take you up on that offer soon. Nice meeting you, Beth.” He gave me a small smile before he turned away.

I watched as he continued to walk through the cafeteria until he sat by the other men.

“Holy hotness. Wow, right?” Caroline said, all wide-eyed.

I shrugged shyly and peered at him through my lashes.

“He’s not only good-looking, but he’s really smart. Brian started when I did, but he’s moved up the chain, and management likes him. He went to the University of Wisconsin and I want to say that he even got a scholarship for football.” She beamed dreamily in his direction and then shook herself out of her reverie. “If I wasn’t almost engaged, I would have to hit on that fine masterpiece.”

I cast her a look, and at that, we both laughed.

***

That evening, back in my one-bedroom apartment, I glanced at the neutral walls surrounding me before ducking my head back into my papers. Plack Industries’ financial statements covered most of my plush couch. For the last two hours, my determination to be well prepared for tomorrow’s client call had kept me seated Indian style on the couch, staring at the numbers in front of me and writing notes.

The phone ringing forced me up, and I rubbed my numb bottom as I reached for the phone.

“Beth Boo, I miss you!” Kendy said, her squeaky voice echoing through the receiver.

An instant smile appeared on my face. Her voice reminded me of home.

We had practically grown up in the same house, and this was the only time we had ever really been apart. Kendy was my cousin, my best friend, and the sister I never had. Now, she was one of the few family members I had left.

“I miss you, too, Kendy.” I took the phone to the couch and plopped down before moving the financial statements from the seat to the floor.

“So, tell me everything. How was your first day at work? Do you like it? Are you busy? Do you have a nice desk? Oh, are there any cute boys?” she rambled on.

My heart ached from just thinking of the distance between us, and I pulled the phone closer as I felt myself loosen at the sound of her voice.

“Hello? Anybody there? Am I talking to myself here? If so, that’s rude,” Kendy said.

I shook my head, but of course, she couldn’t see me. “Kendy, life does not revolve around men. I just got to Chicago this past weekend. They have me so involved in work already, and that’s all I want to be involved with right now.”

“Come on, give me some juice, Beth! I have to live vicariously through you. Tell me your life is more exciting than being a registered nurse at Bowlesville Hospital where no one dies or gets sick. I just sit there, waiting for the next big emergency, because helping old people pee all the time sucks.”

I let out a carefree laugh. “I didn’t say there wasn’t any eye candy at work,” I said, trying to tame her curiosity.

“That’s it? Eye candy? You’re single. You’re hot. You have this amazing job. You’re a triple threat. You are the perfect package. Girlfriend, get out there, and put yourself on the market. Date, Bethany Marie. Date a lot. Have fun, girlfriend. You deserve it.”

“I will. Don’t worry. I have a plan for these things. Right now, I have to concentrate on my job.” I yawned and glanced at the clock. Remembering my early customer call the next day, I clutched the phone closer to my ear. “Kendy,” I exhaled.

“Yeah?”

“I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you,” I said, thanking the heavens above that I had her.

“Pfft, girlfriend. You got that high-paying job all by yourself. Helping you get that apartment was no big deal.”

I huffed, thinking of all the ways I could thank my cousin for cosigning my lease. “Still, I owe you,” I said.

“You owe me nothing. We’re family. It’s not your fault things are the way they are. Shoot, I’m just proud you made your way out of here. And you know what?” she said slowly, making sure I was taking her words in. “Nana would be proud of you, too.”

I bit my cheek to stop the emotions running through me at the mention of my dead grandmother. There was silence on the phone, but it was a comfortable silence that we always had around each other, a silence shared among best friends. I knew what she was thinking because I was thinking the same thing. We missed Nana.

My eyes moved to the financial statements on the floor, triggering memories from the past.

I peeked up from my high school calculus book and sat up on my bed when I heard the door open. “Hey, Nana,” I said, noting the bouquet of red roses in her hands.

“You know he’s going to keep coming here every day until you answer his calls.”

I sighed as I swung my feet over the bed and reached for the flowers. I put them on the wooden desk that already had three-dozen roses in separate vases.

“I don’t know what to tell him. He’s never gonna let me go. I just know it. And I hate seeing him cry,” I said, dropping my butt on the edge of the bed.

I felt the bed indent as she sat next to me.

“Honey, you’re the only one I know who can make the captain of the football team cry.”

“Seriously, I don’t know what to do. That’s why I’ve been avoiding him like the plague.” I lifted my head to meet her eyes.

When she raised an eyebrow and cast me one of her looks, I let out a low laugh.

“Bethany Marie, you know darn well what to do. You do the right thing. There are always two roads to take in life, two choices you can make. In the end, you do the right thing because that’s how I raised you. If you don’t want to be with him, you let him go. You break up with him—properly.” She shook her head slowly. “What’s going on between you two anyway?” she asked, concern etched on her face.

I looked into my grandmother’s eyes. They were dull from age, yet they were still full of life. Her forehead creased with worry. I wanted to take my finger and even out the wrinkles. I normally didn’t tell her many of my problems because she had a lifetime of worry, and I didn’t want to add to that. I leaned into her, resting my head on her shoulder. Ever since I was younger, her closeness had always provided me with comfort.

“It’s not like he did anything wrong. I swear, sometimes, I wish he had, so I would have a good enough reason to break up with him,” I whispered.

I thought of the week that had just passed. Jason had followed me around school like a lost little puppy dog. I’d known he could sense that something was wrong between us. I’d thought if I just cut him off cold, he would get pissed-off and leave me, but he’d just tried harder to figure out what was bothering me and why I was distancing myself.

I pulled at my ponytail. “We’re just going in different directions. We’re graduating in two weeks. Two weeks! I don’t want to spend the summer with him, knowing that I’ll be leaving for college at the end of it while he’ll just stay here.”

She placed her hand on my lap, placating me. “He loves you. You know that, right?”

“Nana, I know that. That’s why it is that much harder to leave him. It’s not like I don’t care for him. I do,” I said, looking up at her. “But he was born, raised, and will probably die in Bowlesville, and that’s not the life I want to live. If he had it his way, he’d be working at the local factory, and I’d be barefoot and pregnant in his kitchen. I didn’t work through high school and study my butt off to end up here, just raising kids. I want out, Nana. I want the bright city lights. I want corporate America. Eventually, I want those four kids with the big house and white picket fence, but I don’t want it anytime soon,” I said, determination set in my face. “Jason doesn’t want those things. He’s content here in Bowlesville,” I said, releasing a breath. “And I’m just not.”

“I want you out of here as much as you do. That’s why I’ve been pushing school on you so much. I can’t help but feel bad for the boy though,” she said, lifting herself from the bed. “You need to do the right thing and break up with that boy if you don’t want to be with him anymore.”

I looked up at her expectant eyes and nodded slowly.

Her eyes crinkled as a small smile appeared. “Graduation is in two weeks,” she said, her voice softening. “Where did the time go?” She reached for a strand of dark brown hair that had escaped from my ponytail, and she tucked it behind my ear. “I’m so very proud of you, baby girl,” she said, resting her hand on the side of my face. “I’m very proud of the young lady you’ve become and the woman you are going to be.”

Leaning into her hand, I reveled in the softness even though her skin was folded in wrinkles from many years of working at the Laundromat. “Thanks, Nana.” I rested my hand on top of hers. “I do my best to make you proud of me,” I said, meeting the eyes of the woman who had raised me since I was six.

Bringing myself back to the present, I shook my head and glanced at the ticking clock beside me, mentally counting the hours of sleep that I had left.

“I have to go and get some sleep, so I am recharged for my meeting tomorrow. You’ll visit me soon, right? You promised,” I whined. Being in this new city and not knowing a single soul made me nervous and lonely all at once.

“Girlfriend, you’re the first person I’m seeing once they grant me some vacation over here.”

“Okay,” I said, releasing a breath. “And, Kendy, I know I’ve said this before, but—”

“You don’t have to say it,” she said, cutting me off. “We haven’t heard from her. Don’t you worry though. If she does ask about you, I’ll never tell her where you went.”

I calmed at her reassurance. “Thanks. I don’t want anything to do with that woman.”

I glanced at the pile of mail held together by a single half-inch rubber band. The letters never ceased to keep on coming. They reminded me of my past and prevented me from moving forward. I’d have to deal with the mail eventually.

I shook my head to focus.

This is my fresh start, and I will not let that woman ruin it.
***

Sitting at the country club’s restaurant, I felt the fluttering in my stomach from nervousness. According to Caroline, the owners of the companies needing loans were middle-aged men, who I would soon learn I had nothing in common with.

Mr. Jack Plack, CEO of Plack Industries, sat back while drinking his coffee. I watched the steam rise from his cup. Behind him, through the floor-to-ceiling windows, I could see golfers teeing off.

“I’m estimating ten million to renovate and expand our oldest plant. We want to make Bowlesville the pilot plant with new state-of-the-art equipment, and eventually, we want to roll this out throughout the nation,” Mr. Plack noted.

Sitting a little taller, I tried to look confident as I grabbed a pen to take notes in my portfolio. I glanced at Jim, my banker, as I listened attentively, and stopped myself from chewing the top of the pen in my hand.

Last night, I’d instantly recognized the name of our client. Plack’s logo covered all of my moving boxes. They were a household name, big on packaging materials and distribution. It amazed me how the father of the person in front of me had started the company from scratch before it had grown into a multimillion-dollar corporation.

Mr. Plack took a sip of his coffee. “What do you need from us to get this moving?”

I moved to his line of sight, ready to fire off my questions. “Do you have your second-quarter financials with you? It looks like first quarter indicated a ten percent drop in sales from the previous year?”

“Yes, I do. We lost a client, but we have gained a few more to make up for that decline.” He shuffled through his papers, and as he handed me the financials, he spotted someone behind me.

“Kent!” he yelled over my shoulder.

At the tension in his voice, my head dipped lower into the financial statements as this was a conversation meant between two people and not for the whole table to hear.

“Not interested in succeeding your father in the business?” Jim pressed.

I wanted to kick Jim for prying any further and causing more awkwardness at the table.

“No, not at all—not even with my Ivy League college degree.”

My head perked up, and I caught Kent staring at me while chewing yet another piece of bread. Jim changed the subject by talking about the basketball playoffs, and I was happy that the conversation was steering into a normal, comfortable zone.

“It is interesting. As an underwriter, we basically look at the company’s financials and the needs of the company, and based on their performance, we see if they can service the loan. If not, we build parameters around the loan to ensure that the client can repay us.” I noticed an increased pitch in my tone, and I pressed my hands on my lap to stop my fidgeting.

He smiled at me, and I immediately warmed.

I glared at him, and the corners of his mouth lifted at the evil look I was giving him. The silence grew, and we were interrupted by our lunch being served. When the waitress dropped off our plates at our table, I noticed she was trying to catch Kent’s attention. I wondered if he was oblivious to her attention or if he got this everywhere and just didn’t care. When she put his plate down, her arm brushed against his and when he finally lifted his eyes to meet hers, her cheeks flushed pink.